In today’s blog, I am going to discuss what trauma is and why forgiveness is needed.
There are many illnesses that are possibly connected to high stress, anxiety, past trauma or depression. This has been a discussion for many years among professionals, and I am not sure we truly have the “true” answer. Why is that? Because there are different ways to look at anxiety or past trauma.
Psychologists believe that emotions are controlled by the ego and the unconscious.
Neurologists believe that emotions are controlled by certain parts of the brain.
Physiologists believe that emotions are controlled by the nervous system.
Psycho-biologists believe that emotions are controlled by the neuropeptides (chemicals) being created and transmitted through various parts of the brain and body.
As for me, not being a doctor, but someone who actually dealt with trauma, my road to recovery has been a mix of all.
It is not an argument anymore that the notion of what affects the body affects the mind, and what affects the mind affects the body. As such, the healing from a trauma or the ability to control anxiety has to be fought on all fronts: the body, the mind and the emotions.
This podcast is meant to empower individuals so they can be back in charge and take trauma / anxiety recovery into their own hands. If you can finally accept the fact that you can recover from trauma and it is up to you to do the changes, then you can move forward with your healing path.
If you are stuck on “it’s too difficult”, “I try but can’t do it” then you will stay stuck in the vicious cycle of wanting to find control but truly be out of control emotionally.
In my opinion, the road to healing and controlling anxiety starts with two awareness:
1. The first knowing that you are not alone. I like to say that “everyone has a story; a struggle; a fight or a trauma within themselves.” Therefore, instead of thinking that no one can understand you and making the choice to live with this “inner-demon” alone, why not reach out and learn with others?
2. The second is the revelation that you are fed-up with the emotional behaviors or the physical challenges that this past trauma has cost you. How many times did you hold yourself back instead of going for it? How many relationships were not optimum because of the past trauma? How many miscommunications happened? Etc.…
Forgiveness:
Once you have made the decision to move on from the trauma, then it is time to forgive.
Holloway in 2002 said “Letting go is not for the purpose of forgetting or forgiving the past, it is about releasing the energy of the past to give us back our lives in the present which is necessary to deliver us into a new future”
What a beautiful way of explaining what forgiveness is. So many people mis-understand and believe that forgiveness is about not holding the other person accountable? Not at all. It is about relieving yourself from past grip or from your own “chains.” I do believe that emotionally people want to move forward and not hurt anymore. I also believe that intellectually people understand that they should move on, and this may actually create an inner struggle. However, I also believe from an ego standpoint individual think they protect themselves by showing anger, aggressiveness, excuses, defeat or developing a “victim mentality.” It is important to know that these “traits” or “behaviors” will stop you from moving forward. It will stop you from integrating your emotions (heart) with your intellect (brain) and your physical body.
“Our refusal to forgive the past imprisons us in our own resistance to our natural, evolutionary instincts and thereby has the power to deny us a healthy movement into our future.” (Arendt 2000)
Let’s understand trauma for a little bit. Trauma is a situation that happened in the past and severely impacted us. The first “blow” comes from the traumatic experience. The second “blow” is the fear of ever experiencing that pain again. That is why people develop mechanism in an attempt to protect themselves from re-experiencing that deep pain. This is why it is so difficult to move on from a trauma. This is true to all trauma; a physical trauma (i.e. Car accident), and emotional trauma (i.e. Being bullied).
Now you can see why so many people have a problem moving on even though they “truly” want to. However not letting go properly of the past will only keep people in an endless loop to re-experience the feelings from the trauma over and over again in their everyday life. Eventually the transmitters in our brain will be programmed which could lead to anxiety, depression or illnesses in our physical body. This is a place where individuals can be stuck in, a hole that they may feel will not get better, throwing them in a “victimhood mentality.”
People who are victims have a hard time changing, since changing requires someone to become responsible of their own actions and to take new steps toward their healing. This can be frightening because of the unknown. However, letting go of the past is the individual responsibility in order to move forward, and by reframing the trauma, we can learn to accept it as an integral part of our own evolutionary process.
On my blog site you can refer back to the blog I wrote regarding the Hawaiian Prayer “Ho'oponopono.” It can help you with this first step. Depending on the trauma, only you can decide how long it will take to finally be free of it. You may also have multiple trauma, and each one will need to be released.
Written by Nathalie
Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner
Certified Cognitive Behavior
Relationship Coach
Source: Trauma by Dr David Berceli
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